I am sure that there would be many others with the same parenting problems as me. Today I had one child wanting to bend my household rules. He was dressed and all ready for school before 7 o'clock and was asking to go on the computer, even though it is against my household rules.
Of course my answer was "yes", so he jumped on the computer. Five minutes later Sam, who is 12 years old, came out and decided that he deserved to have a go on the computer also. Trouble was, he hadn't done any chores and wasn't ready for school. But he said to Kieren something like , "OK, you have to be off in ten minutes because I have to have my go before school too".
Needless to say his brother wasn't impressed. I explained to Sam that Kieren was allowed his turn because of what he had done already, but Sam wasn't listening. He just knew that if his brother could have a turn, he should get a turn also.
I was doing the washing up as I listened to the argument. On and on it went until I had to step in and help them. I told Sam that if he kept on complaining and arguing he would miss out on a go altogether. But still he kept complaining.
Eventually I had to tell him that he wouldn't be allowed a turn at all today as he had refused to stop complaining and arguing. But by this time he was so angry that he couldn't think straight anyhow. The tears came and he got himself further and further into a pickle as he refused to calm down. By this stage Kieren had bailed out and left for school. Smart kid.
Sam sat down and tried to start computer, ignoring my requests to stay away from it. I had to go to the computer and turn it off and usher him to the door way to leave for school. This was not the right time to talk to Sam.
Now here's the thing: when a child is very angry about something they are not capable of thinking clearly at that point in time. So it is not the right time to try and reason with them. when kids get very angry their thinking is distorted until they calm down. So you are wasting your time trying to reason with an angry child.
The outcome? Well I won't actually know that until this afternoon when Sam comes home from school. My hope is that he will have calmed down enough to give me an apology. And you can be sure that he will be missing his computer time this afternoon.
We cannot control the way our kids act but we can control how we react to their behavior. I gave Sam a ban on the computer for a couple of days to teach him a lesson about being angry without due cause. And I have also decided to talk to some school counselors to see if they can help Sam learn a few helpful hints about how to deal with anger in a more constructive way.
Parents, everyone has problems with their children sometime. And that's OK. I have four kids and there is always some drama at our house. What we need to focus on is the way we deal with the drama.
Of course my answer was "yes", so he jumped on the computer. Five minutes later Sam, who is 12 years old, came out and decided that he deserved to have a go on the computer also. Trouble was, he hadn't done any chores and wasn't ready for school. But he said to Kieren something like , "OK, you have to be off in ten minutes because I have to have my go before school too".
Needless to say his brother wasn't impressed. I explained to Sam that Kieren was allowed his turn because of what he had done already, but Sam wasn't listening. He just knew that if his brother could have a turn, he should get a turn also.
I was doing the washing up as I listened to the argument. On and on it went until I had to step in and help them. I told Sam that if he kept on complaining and arguing he would miss out on a go altogether. But still he kept complaining.
Eventually I had to tell him that he wouldn't be allowed a turn at all today as he had refused to stop complaining and arguing. But by this time he was so angry that he couldn't think straight anyhow. The tears came and he got himself further and further into a pickle as he refused to calm down. By this stage Kieren had bailed out and left for school. Smart kid.
Sam sat down and tried to start computer, ignoring my requests to stay away from it. I had to go to the computer and turn it off and usher him to the door way to leave for school. This was not the right time to talk to Sam.
Now here's the thing: when a child is very angry about something they are not capable of thinking clearly at that point in time. So it is not the right time to try and reason with them. when kids get very angry their thinking is distorted until they calm down. So you are wasting your time trying to reason with an angry child.
The outcome? Well I won't actually know that until this afternoon when Sam comes home from school. My hope is that he will have calmed down enough to give me an apology. And you can be sure that he will be missing his computer time this afternoon.
We cannot control the way our kids act but we can control how we react to their behavior. I gave Sam a ban on the computer for a couple of days to teach him a lesson about being angry without due cause. And I have also decided to talk to some school counselors to see if they can help Sam learn a few helpful hints about how to deal with anger in a more constructive way.
Parents, everyone has problems with their children sometime. And that's OK. I have four kids and there is always some drama at our house. What we need to focus on is the way we deal with the drama.
About the Author:
Kim Marie is a single mother to four kids, living in Queensland, Australia. She is a best selling author as well as a child behavior management expert and her guide on raising children can be found at her web site: www.mychildcanbehave.com
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