I thought I would have frank discussion on what areas of parenting that I need to work on to become an effective parent. This is not a normal route we take in learning how to parent. What are the skills and my views that need changing? If I can't discuss this, I feel lousy and without hope. Plus I don't even know where to start in learning how to replace faulty thinking and skills with positive ones.
The answers I was looking for I found, thankfully, in the Total Transformation program. It was as if Dr. Lehman looked right inside me and pointed out the areas that were blocking my abilities to parent my kids well. These were things that made my parenting fail more than I wanted.
I Must Be the First to Change
Here are a couple of the of the parental changes that I made that gave me immediate results.
1. Family business. Deal with behavioral issues in a semi-formal business-like manner. Keep your emotions out of it as best you can. This will make it easier to maintain control. Try not to take the behavior personally, it will make you ineffective.
2. Transition Time. This is one of my favorites. Basically, discuss with your children that there will be a 10-15 minute window when either of you gets home where no questions are asked or problems presented. Everyone gets these few moments to unwind, catch up on the news of the day and reenter the family. Doing this without being barraged will make you a happier, interested parent. And your teen won't feel attacked.
3. Responsible love vs unconditional love. There is some confusion here as we have always been told to love our children unconditionally. However, that is an emotional love and not a responsible love. This will lead your child to feel unsafe and unloved. A child feels loved when you set rules and are in charge.
4. Replacement and reciprocity. Be prepared to give your child replacement appropriate behaviors. Mention the rewards and mutual benefits of dealing with the situation appropriately. This works much better than yelling "stop". It does however require some thinking ahead as well as some creative thinking.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of areas we as parents can improve ourselves. Especially if we were not modeled good parenting as kids. Don't be afraid though to start changing yourself in this process. The rewards will come in great bounds with an open, more loving relationship with those kiddos. And that is priceless.
The answers I was looking for I found, thankfully, in the Total Transformation program. It was as if Dr. Lehman looked right inside me and pointed out the areas that were blocking my abilities to parent my kids well. These were things that made my parenting fail more than I wanted.
I Must Be the First to Change
Here are a couple of the of the parental changes that I made that gave me immediate results.
1. Family business. Deal with behavioral issues in a semi-formal business-like manner. Keep your emotions out of it as best you can. This will make it easier to maintain control. Try not to take the behavior personally, it will make you ineffective.
2. Transition Time. This is one of my favorites. Basically, discuss with your children that there will be a 10-15 minute window when either of you gets home where no questions are asked or problems presented. Everyone gets these few moments to unwind, catch up on the news of the day and reenter the family. Doing this without being barraged will make you a happier, interested parent. And your teen won't feel attacked.
3. Responsible love vs unconditional love. There is some confusion here as we have always been told to love our children unconditionally. However, that is an emotional love and not a responsible love. This will lead your child to feel unsafe and unloved. A child feels loved when you set rules and are in charge.
4. Replacement and reciprocity. Be prepared to give your child replacement appropriate behaviors. Mention the rewards and mutual benefits of dealing with the situation appropriately. This works much better than yelling "stop". It does however require some thinking ahead as well as some creative thinking.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of areas we as parents can improve ourselves. Especially if we were not modeled good parenting as kids. Don't be afraid though to start changing yourself in this process. The rewards will come in great bounds with an open, more loving relationship with those kiddos. And that is priceless.
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Take back control of your household TODAY! Create a behavior modification plan that works for YOUR family. The Total Transformation will increase your parenting skills in ways you never believed possible!
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