Anyone who has had an affair or whose spouse has had an affair can tell you first hand the devastating results. Trust is broken, hearts are broken, and lives are filled with all kinds of pain and loss. Affairs touch the deepest part of the heart and soul of marriage. You can learn what it takes to recover from an affair.
What it takes to recover from an affair is to begin to see reality, to face the terrible wrong perpetrated, and to commit to make the marriage work. Decide that divorce is not an option. All communication with the "other man" or "other woman" must end, and I mean right now. Now excuses. Do not even consider other options. If you must, change jobs to get away from being near the other person. Move to another city if you must, but end the affair with no ties left to the other person. Period. No negotiation. Make no further contact.
Surviving an affair is possible with diligent effort to work through the recovery process.
Do not revert to an affair through contact with the other person. What it takes to recover from an affair is to break it off completely. Ask a same-sex friend to contact the other person in the affair and tell them that you will not call, write, email, or see the other person involved in the affair again, ever. Have your friend become your accountability partner to help you through this.
Dealing with such problems with professional advice from counselor would help you restore your social skills, credibility and strengths of the marriage. This will also help you to identify weaknesses that let the problem happen and let you know how to get rid of them. Contact only an experienced therapist because otherwise the wrong advice may exacerbate entire situation.
It will be necessary for the offending spouse to become "transparent" in that the offended spouse needs to know more about your activities to build trust. This is an important step in rebuilding your marriage. Your spouse needs to know you are willing to be open and honest with him/her.
After an outside marriage affair be prepared to explain reasons why you have to stay at work late or disclose you email account passwords to your wife. The best advice would be to get rid off old email account with which you communicated with the other person in order to be contacted again. Again, be prepared for any queries from your partner.
Be responsible for the mistakes you have made. Making excuses will not help you. Stating that it was just an accident or that the harmed party will get quickly over it will make you look untrustworthy and uncaring. This could be taken by your partner as a sign of disregard for protecting the relationship and possible cheating in the future. Do not forget this is a painful and somewhat long process.
Most importantly to get over this difficult time, you'll need to provide a protection shield for your hurting mate in every possible direction. Step up to the plate and start changing into a trustworthy person, with a loving and unselfish personality and deep sense of fairness. Saving your marriage is generally a very, even undeniably worthwhile goal, but it will take hard work and dedication.
About the Author:
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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